It was about 6:30am
Sunday morning and both of my girls were out of their beds and ready to start
their day! I on the other hand was moving like a snail through peanut butter
and getting ready to take a shower. My intention was to shower and then make
the girls their breakfast, but Sloan wasn’t having it! She and Liv were hungry
and didn’t want to wait for me…so they followed me into the bathroom (I realize
I haven’t been alone in the bathroom since 2009) and Sloan purposed her plan. Here is how it went:
Sloan informed me
that she was more than capable of making and serving breakfast and that she
didn’t need any help. I looked at her as if unicorns were flying out of her
ears while she was talking and I thought to myself, “
“Am I really going to let a 5 ½ year old make breakfast for herself and her 3 year old sister?!” The answer was YES I AM!
“Am I really going to let a 5 ½ year old make breakfast for herself and her 3 year old sister?!” The answer was YES I AM!
Before going
downstairs to the kitchen and beginning her work I requested that Sloan talk me
through what she intended to serve. She described how she would use her stool to
access the microwave and help her retrieve anything that might be out of reach
in the refrigerator. Her intention was to serve leftover homemade waffles with
butter from Saturday.
After she shared
with me her plan I told her to go for it and I moved on to take a shower. Now,
you might be thinking this is crazy!!! However, what was crazier was the
feeling I had when I went downstairs 10 minutes later. As I walked down each
step I was expecting Sloan to perhaps realize she needed my help preparing her
breakfast or that I’d find her off task. Not my Sloan, who was I kidding!
When I walked into
my kitchen I saw my two daughters sitting at our kitchen table with forks,
napkins, cups of water, plates of waffles, and sporting gigantic smiles! They
also did not ask for help to cut their waffles…they made it work without any
adult assistance or knives.
There are so many
things that I got out of this experience with Sloan. For one, I recognize the
difference I can make with my girls when I continue to hold a space for them to
take more control of their lives. I also saw an opportunity for the girls to
work with me to rearrange our pantry and refrigerator so they can continue to
do more for themselves in the kitchen. Lastly, let’s not forget about the
amazing 10 minute shower I had ALONE (bonus here folks)!
That's awesome! I totally get you Kristan... giving kids the space to prove their ability and win freedom of expression is so healthy. The more and more I stretched my own fear based limits with my kids and they would prove to be responsible and the more I could let them command their lives. Now they are sooo independent and confident. Madison, 21, is creating her own full time job working for a non-profit organization, choosing not to do something conventional, safe and expected, like college. Regan, 19, is living the dream in sunny San Diego, curing his lyme siezures with self indued doses of nitric acid in the surf, working at a local juice bar and going to college and Jack, 16, living his dream working in performance in Concord, MA as a boarding student. They know where the safety net is and are free to explore the capacity of who they really are for the world. Touche, helicopter parenting!!
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